Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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