Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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