So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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