i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
