I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
