Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
