Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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