evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
