Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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