if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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