You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
