Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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