You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
