I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
