did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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