I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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