checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize