its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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