omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
