I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
