I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
