Me. At least after what I've been through.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
