Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize