i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
