i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
