wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
