it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
