My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
