It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
