I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
