I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
