all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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