When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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