we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i think im in europe. pls send help
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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