I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
