I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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