You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
