You really coming over, don't trick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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