She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
