We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
