wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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