Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
