i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
