i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
