I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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