if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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