I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
