im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
