margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
