i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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