I think my fart just growled at me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
