Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
