I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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