I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
