You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
