I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
