How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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