so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
