Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
