I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i came on her dog
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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