My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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