PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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