my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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