yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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