Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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