If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can you bring me the toilet please
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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