I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
