Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
