yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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