we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
