i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
