Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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